Scorned Love Tips

Dear SLers,

We want to help you. We don’t want to see your sad pleas up on this page. We don't want you to cry and beg for attention from an old flame. You're better than that.

Therefore, we are introducing tips to help you avoid ending up in unfortunate situations.

Help us, help you.

-- SL

(Okay, we want to see your sad and desperate moments up on this page -- but, more importantly, we want you to move on and be able to laugh and cringe at your old, naive self).

So with that, we bring you

TIP #1:

If you, at any point in your written communication, write "I know I sound crazy, but..", or any sort of variation of this sentiment, just stop. There is no "but" when it comes to sounding like a lunatic. Nothing can follow that and make your desperation sound acceptable (aside from offers of money, vacations, or lewd sex acts-- and even then, it's still a bit weird).

Your recognition of your insanity does not make it better. Shutting up, however, does. So keep it to yourself until you've had some time to reflect and calm down. The only thing that can follow from emails like this is standing outside your love interests' house in the rain in the middle of the night with a 6-inch steak knife when they, understandably, don't reply.